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  • Writer's pictureDarrell Stetler II

Support Your Pastor: The Best Way I've Ever Seen

Updated: May 1, 2023

“Pastor.”  The word may have lost some of its respect over the years, with high-profile scandals, Hollywood hit jobs, and TV cariacatures.  But the title still conjures up good things in many American minds.  A 2011 study by Rasmussen says 70% of Americans view pastors favorably.

But pastors, honestly, through all of their healing, restoring & guiding work, can live with a lot secret pain.

support pastor wellness at your church

Why Your Pastor is Tempted to Quit

According to a survey by the New York Times in 2010,

  1. about 1,500 pastors per month leave the ministry due to burnout, conflict or moral failure.

  2. 45% of pastors say they’ve experienced enough burnout or depression to feel the need to take significant time away from ministry

  3. 57% of pastors report that they would leave ministry if they thought there was somewhere else to go

  4. 75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation.

  5. 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.

  6. 33% say that being in ministry is a hazard to their families.

“Not my pastor.”

No, I hope not.  But some pastor friends of mine have reached these points.

I recently surveyed pastor across several denominations and asked them what was most frustrating in their ministry.  I gave them multiple options to choose from, as well as the ability to write their own answers.  

Why is Pastor Support so important?

Here's what pastors said about their greatest challenges in my recent survey:

  1. Family & work balance (42%)

  2. Getting people to volunteer (42%)

  3. Time for meaningful prayer (42%)

  4. People stresses & conflict (39%)

  5. Following up on people & losing guests (36%)

  6. Outreach Planning (28%)

  7. Personal time management (25%)

Odds are, your pastor struggles with 4-5 of these.  I want you to look at the common thread in the 7… do you see it?

TIME = Pastor Support

That one factor ties it all together.

Pastoring today is different than it was for your grandpa’s pastor!

In those days, people led lives with more margin, less TV, smaller houses, only one car, and fewer options.  Pastors had a privileged position in the community.  They weren’t expected to be CEOs, doing executive work in a complicated world.

Pastors today have more to administrate than ever, and they’re often overwhelmed & frustrated.  There’s a lot of “shadow work” that drains time and creative energy.

Here’s the biggest thing you could do if you want to support your paster:

Ask him if you can some part of his load.

Here’s the way people usually do it — which is the wrong way: “Pastor, let me know if I can help you with anything.”

That’s incredibly vague… and honestly, that statement probably frustrating to your pastor.  It requires HIM to do all the work of:

  1. finding the work that needs to be done

  2. thinking of all the people who have said they would help him

  3. deciding who would be best at it

  4. overcoming his fear that you’re too busy

  5. overcoming his doubt that you were just being nice

  6. contacting you & trying to schedule a time to get together

  7. waiting for you to have the time to do it

  8. And he has to do this every time there’s a new project!

Honestly, it’s emotionally easier for your pastor just to DO IT HIMSELF!  (So he does!)

The people who are the biggest blessing to their pastor aren’t the ones who want him to “let them know if there’s anything they can do to help.”  It’s the person who finds something to do and does it well, week after week.

Honestly, if someone says, "I want to support Pastor Darrell, how could I do that?" Here's what I'd say:

So here’s what you do instead:

  1. Ask him “Do you mind if I took over ____ and made it so good you’d never have to think about it again?”

  2. If he hesitates, ask “Or Is there something else I could lift off your plate?  Something that drains your energy?”

  3. Ask him “Could I buy your coffee and let’s make a list of what you’d like to get done in that area?”

  4. Meet for coffee & write it all down.

  5. Ask him if he can do it with you once.

  6. Ask him questions, as you do it together.

  7. Go nail it the next week.

  8. Ask for his feedback how you could improve.

  9. Go nail it every week after that.

Your pastor will literally feel the lift from day 1, just from feeling someone else on the team.  By the time you reach step #9, he’d swim a river full of crocodiles for you.

Now, what are you waiting for?  Share this article with your pastor, and tell him you want to buy his lunch or coffee.

Do it now. 🙂

May I make a suggestion about something you could offer to take over to support pastor encouragement in your church?

Offer to become a champion for discipleship in your local church.

If you're not sure how you can do that, please check out my NewStart Discipleship program right here:

Support pastor encouragement by becoming a discipleship champion in your local church with these discipleship books

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